Heaven's Burning

Nick took the "What kind of knucklehead takes these stupid Facebook quizzes"  quiz with the result "Too many of his Facebook friends"

If this looks familiar you probably have a Facebook account.  If not, congratulations you are likely well adjusted, sane, have a normal real life and have no need of a virtual peer group.  You could probably quit reading now and you won't miss much.  If you do have a Facebook account or you are curious please read on.  

Facebook is a "social networking" site ostensibly designed  to facilitate cyber communities of acquaintances and to provide access to events and services not otherwise readily available.  I like to think of it as the 'Borg' for all you Trekkies out there (that may be a future topic), because it organizes participants into a homogeneous glump devoid of personal expression.  Unlike MySpace or some of the other such sites everyone's page is identically laid-out and subject to a steady stream of mindless babble and advertising.  All of that begs the question, why do it?  

The attraction to this site seems to revolve around the voyeuristic scrutiny of the activity of one's friends.  Titillating as that may sound it comes at a price.  It has been argued that people are willing to sacrifice their own privacy for the opportunity to peer into the lives of others.  This symbiotic form of relationship wouldn't be so bad if the exchange were limited to one's friends but the access is viral.  That is to say that while I can view steady streams of news feeds posted by my friends I can also view things like the photo albums of their friends, people I don't even know.  While most of this stuff is so banal it's painful, occasionally something comes across that seems entirely inappropriate.  I mean, we're all adults here but there is something pretty creepy about perusing some friend's niece's photos of a bunch of scantily clad adolescents pounding jello shooters in compromising poses.   Yes, I've done it and it's not as innocent as the inability to turn one's eyes from the proverbial train wreck.  At best it's invasive at worst it's pederasty.

As bad as that seems there is something significantly more pernicious about Facebook and those vile quizzes I mentioned at the outset are just one form of a series of mechanisms rooting about in our psyches.  The extent to which this subliminal mind-mining will succeed wholly depends on the willingness of participants.  At this point there seems to be limitless and gleeful acceptance.  Oh come on you say, don't take yourself so seriously.  Well trust me I'm no alarmist, I think maybe the Warren commission called it like it was but this kinda scares me.

There are a couple things that set up my personal paranoia.  One is that Facebook was developed by a former executive for an information gathering think-tank enlisted by the CIA.  Another is a failed marketing scheme called the beacon which would have linked specific partnering businesses with personal profiles.  Activity with those companies would automatically generate news feeds to your friends.  Something like "Nick bought 'Debbie Does Dallas' at Amazon.com today" would feed out to all my friends.  Worse, Amazon can have Friends (or fans as they're called for businesses) who would also get that feed and anyone can be Amazon's friend.  Even my parole officer.  How would he like to see "Nick bought a Glock at Sportsmans Wharehouse today"?

So, with that in mind it seems pretty obvious what these quizzes are all about.  At their most innocuous they are about establishing demographics.  These quizzes typically ask things like "Which Muppet are you?" or "Which punk rock star are you?".  The inanity of this is palpable.  For those of you who found they were Patti Smith I have a news flash: Patti would prefer a non-anesthetized appendectomy to taking one of these quizzes.  And, well need I remind anyone that Miss Piggy doesn't actually exist.  The geniuses that created and proliferate these applications are building data.  Soon you'll be seeing Miss Piggie wristwatches and posable Patti Smith dolls at your local WalMart.  Ok that's a little extreme but you can bet the results of these quizzes will find their way into the marketing of goods and services because why else are these applications available.  

Does anybody think Facebook subsidizes the development of these 'games'.  Hell no, they are paid to host the access.  So who is paying for it and why.  Is it some misguided old hippie spreading the love, some wealthy hobbyist hoping to share a love for games and puzzles?  Uh no!  Nothing is free, you can't even walk in the park for free, its use is paid for by taxation.  So why should we think we're getting free games from Facebook?   We're not, we're paying with our very souls, we're shelling out tidbits of our very essence to the lowest bidder who will turn this information to use in their benefit and against our own. 

The other day I saw the most alarming quiz to date, "Which foreign country are you?".  Several of my Canadian friends found they were America.  This generated a rash of dialogue regarding personal and public ideas about US policy and culture.  Some of it was not too flattering some of it was conciliatory and some was just stupid.  But I had to wonder what would come of this information being so insipidly gathered, who would be looking over those comments and whether they might some day come back to haunt those who made them.  

When once asked by an interviewer if he thought people should keep their social distance Bob Dylan said "I believe people should keep everything they've got".  I'm with him!